Aging is a funny thing. Some people love getting older and others don’t want to admit that they are aging at all, but it’s happening either way. For those of us who enjoy life and get joy from the little things, we may find ourselves chuckling about some funny poems about aging gracefully. This blog post will list 5 funny poems about age-appropriate humor that you’ll be sure to enjoy!
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
That’s not my age; it’s just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I’m staring at this strange old face,
And someone else is in my place!
My body’s not in disrepair.
I’ve not much grey in my brown hair.
I sometimes feel a little tired
But go for jogs when I’m inspired.
This old age thing is not for me.
Concessions given, prescriptions free.
I’ll just pretend I’m in my prime.
To age too fast would be a crime.
I’m just not 60 in my head.
It’s still so long till I am dead,
So please don’t see me in that way.
I’m staying young, if that’s OK!
My eyes are fine; they are just printing words small.
I just use a walking stick to seem stately and tall.
Nothing is wrong with my sense of smell.
My ears are fine if you don’t whisper but yell.
The wrinkles are just laugh lines; they will go away.
It is fashion that has turned my hair from black to grey.
It’s the cold, not age that is stiffening my knees.
I like to hum as I walk; it’s not a wheeze.
What extra kilos? My scale is broken down.
If I try, I can still fit into my wedding gown.
My bones don’t creak; my shoes are new.
My memory is sharp. Oh, do I know you?
I have waited quite a long time to get old,
So I think I should try to enjoy it.
I can’t turn it in for a refund,
And I surely don’t want to destroy it.
They tell me that life is a one-way street,
As if I am too dumb to know.
I might as well keep moving on forward.
There’s not much choice where to go.
I would like to lighten the luggage
I’ve accumulated over the years.
I’d be smart to release all the memories
That brought about heartache and tears.
That would make living much better,
Free up space that then could be filled
With appreciation for the good things in life,
With the promise that then I could build
A future that lives for the moment,
With little concern for the past.
My time will be filled with contentment,
No matter how long it will last.
So now that I’m ready for the rest of the trip,
I foresee no problems ahead.
I’ll make each day be a worthwhile event,
With no regrets for the life I have led.
They said I was an “old fart”
But I hardly think that’s true
My boobs were done in ’75
But my teeth and knees are new.
And since my eyes were lasered
I have 20/20 sight
Though I like to sit on 50 k
And hate to drive at night.
All in all I object to “old”
But “fart” is another matter
For I think the valves that seal the gas
Now leak as I’ve got fatter.
To add to the indignity
And make me feel antique
Sometimes when I sneeze or cough
I spring a little leak.
So if you’re feeling young and smug
With a body like brand new
Just remember in 30 years
This figure may be you!